The One Where The Friends Get Superpowers

Through a strange series of events the Central Perk crew took on the powers of the Super Friends to become the Super Whiners:

Matt Le Blanc as Superman - perfect choice, all brawn, very little brain.
Monica Geller as Green Lantern - I've no idea, really, why. Guess she had to be someone.
Chandler Bing as Batman - a nice choice as the most neurotic of the superheroes.
Phoebe Buffay as Aquaman - one talks to cats, the other to fish.
Rachel Green as Wonder Woman - this really should have been Monica's role, though the hair was a wonder.
Ross Geller as Robin - yep, they were both useless. (Link via Karl Heitmueller)

Previously on Popped Culture...
The One Where Rachel Gets Naked
Anarchy In The JLA
If Superheroes Were Hipsters

The One Where Rachel Gets Naked

Ever seen something that was both sad and titillating at the same time? If you somehow managed to avoid the internet over the past couple of days you may have missed Jennifer Aniston baring it all on the cover of GQ.

The 39-year-old ex-Friend and ex-Mrs.-Brad-Pitt wears nothing but a tie in her latest national magazine nudie shot, the first coming 12 years ago in Rolling Stone when she was a pop culture figure of note. Back then Aniston was riding high as the It Girl of TV's hottest show. Now she's playing the mom in Marley & Me, where "a family learns important life lessons from their adorable, but naughty and neurotic dog."

Sure, she still looks great, there's no denying it, put it just reeks of desperation. In 1996 it said look at me! In 2008 it says PLEASE! Look at me — and it has nothing to do with her age. At this point in her career, is this what she wants to be know for?

Aniston got naked and ended up revealing more than she wanted to.

For Auld Lang Syne

It's the start of another new year, better call the newspaper up. I'm not usually one for self-indulgent posts (cough, cough) and I have studiously avoided blogging memes, but I couldn't resist end of year wrap-up, even if there are still a few days left in 2006. For those interested, just snag the first sentence of the first post of each month and let 'er rip.

January: There are no 20-something acting superstars these days, and The New York Times blames it on the actors.
Almost a year later and it's still true. Come on 20-somethings, step it up. Is Lindsay Lohan the best you have to offer?

February: Lots of interesting tidbits about the new James Bond film, Casino Royale, today.
Yeah, I was going on about the new Bond back them and months later it was totally worth it. Best Bond in years.

March: Forget the Seinfeld curse, that’s so early 2000s. The question now, is there a Friends curse?
Seems like Matthew Perry has put an end to that speculation with the full-year pick-up of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Not that any of the rest of them have anything to brag about.

April: Why do TV shows have such inferiority complexes?
I still don't really want to see The Simpsons movie.

May: It’s funny how pop culture moments happen.
It sure is. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

June: File these under Ways In Which My Life is Unlike a Celebrity.
I could pretty much begin all posts this way.

July: Canadian musicians haven’t recorded anything worth commemorating since 1970.
I don't actually believe that to be true - just being overly dramatic for effect.

August: Jer is back at his cottage - lucky bastard - and tagged me to step in for a post.
Yeah, I'm a real slacker. I wish it was summer already.

September: I wonder who looked at the short and stubby Hobbits and thought, “what it would be like if they could sing Broadway tunes?”
September was a truly geeky month for me.

October: Will Lost sink or swim this year?
Still waiting to see. The second-half of the season better rock. And enough with the Others.

November: It’s odd, I know this song, but I can’t say I’ve ever listened to it.
Pop culture, you don't always need to participate in it to be part of it.

December: It's down to the final day of voting for the Canadian Blog Awards and Popped Culture is in a tight, three-way battle for the title of Best Entertainment Blog, thanks to your votes and proselytizing on my behalf.
Second! It's the new first!

It's a Conspiracy!

I am not very prone to conspiratorial thoughts. I believe that artists and entertainment companies are looking out for the best interests of their fans and their creations and would never do anything untoward just for the publicity. No, wait, that is the opposite of what I believe.

I had speculated that the Da Vinci Code plagiarism trial was really just a sham to get free, world-wide coverage for the upcoming film of the same name. How short-sighted of me. If anything, it was to get the book back in everybody’s head for tomorrow’s North American release of 5 million paperback editions of the blockbuster novel by Random House. That’s the company that also publishes Holy Blood, Holy Grail, whose authors are suing Dan Brown. Just a coincidence, I’m sure.

In other conspiracy news, Isaac Hayes’ spokesperson Amy Harnell has denied that the voice of Chef was ever hospitalized for a stroke and was not coerced into quitting South Park. Of course Hayes hasn’t said any of this directly and his flak is herself a Scientologist. Mighty suspicious.

And remember the live-action Simpsons opener that was floating about You Tube and your friend’s emails? The one that appeared to be filmed by some fans and then was revealed to have been created by a British cable company? It aired last night in front of the Ricky Gervais-penned episode, an official rendering all along. I’ve got no real complaint here, it is still funny, but it’s not the fan-created film it appeared to be.

One last one, seeing as I’m adding to all of my recent rants. It looks like one member of the mega-rich (I assume) former Friends clan has put the brakes on a reunion show by turning down a truckload of cash. Lisa Kudrow says it is one of the male cast members who said no, and my bet would be David Schwimmer. Matt LeBlanc is still playing Joey and Matthew Perry has a pilot for next year, so clearly he’s not object to heading back to the tube. If true, I say good for him. You had a great run, now leave it alone. Any reunion would just be a pointless nostalgia fest akin to attending an Eagles concert, and nobody wants that.

Curse of the Friends

Forget the Seinfeld curse, that’s so early 2000s. The question now, is there a Friends curse?

We already know that Jennifer Aniston’s post-Friends, post-Brad film career is on a steady, downward spiral.

And of course there was the laugh-free Friends spin-off Joey, which has less chance of returning to air than Arrested Development. New episodes are about to air, but on Tuesday’s opposite American Idol. It’s as good as gone.

Aniston’s TV paramour, Ross (David Schwimmer), has all but disappeared. He did some voice work for Madagascar and, umm, that’s it really.

Lisa Kudrow, the only one with any acting chops, tried a comeback in the unfortunately named Comeback, which wasn’t. It’s already been cancelled.

That leaves Matthew Perry and Courtney Cox. The former TV couple both have new shows in the works. Perry will play a writer on Aaron Sorkin's new NBC drama Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. The show centers on the behind-the-scenes action on the set of a fictional SNL-style sketch comedy show. It’s got a shot with Sorkin, the creator of The West Wing and Sports Night, on board. I’ll reserve judgment.

Cox is going the if you can’t beat ‘em, taunt ‘em route. She will play a celebrity tabloid editor in Dirt. I expect a fair and evenhanded take on the subject. It’s on the FX cable channel and a drama, so maybe there will be lots of swearing and nudity. Who knows.

But if there is truly a Friends curse it’s that they are all out working so soon after the end of their 10-season sitcom. Isn’t it still on in daily reruns? Weren’t they making $1 million each per episode in the last season? Why the hell are they working at all? Are they already out of cash?

It's All About the Money

Have they blown all their cash already? Rumours abound that the cast of Friends has signed on to star in four new one-hour specials.

Jennifer Aniston, who has starred in a string of flops since the final Friends episode, was the last to agree to the new deal, according to Hollywood.com. An NBC insider says, "She's the one who had been holding out. But she's now agreed to reprise Rachel (Green)."

Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, David Schwimmer and Matthew Perry all reportedly agreed to $5 million apiece, which is actually a slight pay cut from their heyday.

I know their careers haven't been all that, ahem, stellar since signing off in 2004, but c'mon, they were each making a million an episode the last season and that's not even considering what they get from the constant reruns. Of course if someone drove a dump truck full of money up to my mansion, I wouldn't say no either.

Now NBC is denying that any of this is true, but that is standard operating procedure. This is too early, when the episodes wouldn't air until next season.
In other news, a smaller dump truck has rolled up to the cast of Lost. The studio is offering to pay the actors nearly $80,000 an episode, which is double, and in some cases quadruple, what they are currently earning. For the past two years, the Lost gang's salaries have reportedly fallen in the $20,000-$40,000 range per episode, says E! Online.

I can get behind that (keeping in mind that Hollywood salaries have no relation to reality) as this is a cast worth rewarding. What I can't abide is the special deal Jack "stick-in-the-ass" Shephard (Matthew Fox) is getting, an additional one-time bonus of at least $250,000 in addition to the salary hike. For what, I ask you, for what?

The A-List Mythology

Is Jennifer Aniston a superstar, asks Entertainment Weekly in the latest issue. Just asking means there is an assumption that she should be, a "c'mon, look at her, she's Jennifer Aniston!" attitude. It's part of a belief that some actors can be placed into any project and the result will be a blockbuster, that ticket buyers will fall over themselves just to see the "star" no matter what the film is about.

If that were the case, wouldn't A-listers like Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts and Will Smith always have been superstars, right from their first film? No, you have to earn it and keep it by making smart choices -- either compelling stories or at least the kind of cheese that works for you.

Ever since Friends began, Aniston has been tagged for future glory. When her fairytale marriage to Brad Pitt collapsed, many thought she would get a box office boost á la Nicole Kidman, but there is a huge difference: Kidman can act and picked roles in films like The Hours while Aniston is a light weight and picks films like Rumor Has It.

Of course anytime you point this out a Team Aniston fan tells you she has talent, just look at The Good Girl, just as EW does. Fine, she slummed it in one indie. Now name another. Sly Stallone did the same in Cop Land to rave reviews, subsequently returning to gems like Driven and he is now making another Rambo. One film isn't a career.

EW even tries to credit her with box office hits, citing Bruce Almighty and Along Came Polly, but these are Jim Carrey and Ben Stiller vehicles, and she was just along for the ride.

Aniston is reportedly commanding $9 million per film, so I don't deny that someone thinks she's worth it, but she's not going to be a huge draw until she works her way up through some more small, supporting roles. Rachel made her bigger than life, but she's tiny on the big screen.