A Show Even Less About Nothing

What's the deal with attractive, dull twenty-somethings? Seinfeld as reinterpreted by the CW network. Don't laugh, they could do it. (Link via Buzzfeed)

Previously on Popped Culture...
These References Are Making Me Thirsty
These Pretzels Are Making Me Racist
Pop Culture Supreme Court

Pop Culture Supreme Court

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, the court is now in session. No longer will you have to end pop culture arguments with friends and comment trolls with the statement, "'cause I said so." The Pop Culture Supreme Court, comprised of nine pop culture bloggers, has come together with a single goal in mind: to render decisions on the most contentious and debated issues amongst our peers. Is George Lucas a hack? Is graffiti art? Is The Simpsons better than Seinfeld?

Our first ruling took on contentious issue of Hollywood remakes: Should there be a moratorium? The issues surrounding remakes has been discussed throughout the blogosphere for years and in traditional media even before that, and as such, they seemed to be an ideal subject to adjudicate.

Each justice has presented their own set of arguments regarding the above question, and we as a court have come to a decision regarding the subject at hand.

By a vote of 6 to 3, the court has decided that there should be no moratorium on remakes in Hollywood, despite their flaws.

The full decision can be found at the Pop Culture Supreme Court, as well as the individual rulings of the eight other talented justices.
My ruling is as follows:

Remakes are the scourge of Hollywood, a crutch for lazy writers and directors, a simple way for producers to turn a quick buck by betting on a sure thing. There artistic risk is minimal as the previous box office results are there to see – the filmmaking equivalent of tracing.

And just as copies of copies tend to lose their definition, remakes often dilute the original artistic intent. Luc Besson’s La Femme Nikita was a brilliantly dark film about an unlikely assassin, but the sin was that it was filmed in French and had to be subtitled for North American audiences (“eww, reading!) When the movie was remade a few years later we got the sunshiney Bridget Fonda in Point of No Return, turning it into a generic thriller.

The same occurred with the Dutch film The Vanishing, a chilling film about a mysterious disappearance and the obsession of one man’s search for a missing loved one. The ending was so pitch black that when director George Sluizer remade the film in English he was forced to alter the ending, destroying the impact of the film.

This travesty isn’t limited to foreign films. Witness the atrocity that was Tim Burton’s remake of Planet of the Apes. Burton is a talented director, but his greatest folly was taking a sci-fi cult fave, dropping millions on it and making it dull and uninteresting. The list goes on – Gus Can Sant’s pointless, shot-for-shot recreation of Alfred Hitchcock’s masterpiece Psycho; Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s Swept Away.

Based on the previous examples – and the legion of others – it seems a slam dunk to say there should be a moratorium on remakes. But it’s not that easy. On the whole, I’ve seen more good remakes than bad. George Clooney & Brad Pitt’s Ocean’s 11 was great fun and full of style. Was it better than the Rat Pack’s version? I don’t know, I didn’t see it. Al Pacino’s Scarface is so well known that few people even realize that it is a remake. Again, I haven’t seen the 1932 Howard Hawks original. Same goes for The Magnificent Seven, a remake of Japanese master Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai. Should I see the source material? Sure. Have I? No.

And that is the crux of the problem. It is easy to say that everyone should see the original films, that they should forgo the new release sections at their local video store and get to know their film history, but it’s not going to happen. For better or worse, film is not a static art form, where once the images have been committed to celluloid they remain untouched and treasured for all time. Much like plays are reinterpreted year after year, films of the past will always be a source for its present.

A bad remake can destroy an original vision, but the best remakes can rescue good stories from obscurity. If remakes are must be made (and it appears that they are) perhaps the best we can hope for is that directors don’t plunder the classics, but help repair flawed work. It’s a long shot, but there is always hope.

Visit the Pop Culture Supreme Court for the full ruling and the decisions of the rest of the members of the bench, who are also listed on my blogroll to the right.

Seeing Double

With the release of Poseidon we return to one of Hollywood’s worst habits – remaking films that don’t need to be remade. Poseidon is only 34 years old and stars Gene Hackman. You can still watch Hackman in current films and rent the original, why remake it? Hollywood eats their old, I suppose that’s the case with movies as well.

So in honour of Poseidon I’ve put together the worst and the best movie remakes (to be fair, some are good). I actually did this for work so this allows me to be a lazy blogger and repurpose something I’ve already written. Check out Dose if you want to see the full picture version.

Worst Movie Remakes:
1. Director Gus Van Sant recreated Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece Psycho shot for shot, but with Anne Heche and in colour. What, exactly, was the point?

2. Take a fantastic French film like La Femme Nikita, lighten the tone and put in a U.S. actor and you get Point of No Return, a pale shadow of the original. Can't people read subtitles?

3. Auteur Tim Burton's version of Planet of the Apes proves why indie directors shouldn't be given massive budgets -- there is nothing to reign them in, resulting in a bloated letdown.

4. Remember when you said how funny Nicole Kidman was? Oh right, nobody has ever said that. Too bad the producers of The Stepford Wives didn't realize that.

5. Adam Sandler, not satisfied with making horrible, but original, movies decided to mess with The Longest Yard. Hits to the groin ensue. Ha, ha.

Best Movie Remakes:
1. George Clooney, Brad Pitt and crew took a huge risk making themselves out as a modern day Rat Pack in Ocean's 11 but they manage it with wit and style. Too bad about Ocean's 12.

2. Though everyone should make an effort to see Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai, the Western version, The Magnificent Seven, is itself a classic. Plus it has Yul Brynner!

3. "Say hello to my little friend!" Al Pacino's bloody Scarface was so succesful at creating a new movie icon, few even realize it based on a 1932 film. What all remakes should aspire to.

4. Director David Cronenberg takes the campy Vincent Price verion of The Fly and adds terror and gore (and Jeff Glodblum), creating a remake that stands above the original.

5. Taking on King Kong for the third time, director Peter Jackson applied modern special effects and proved there was still life in the giant ape. Technology, it's a good thing.