"I'm sorry for the hair-dos, baggy pants, the scandals, the lies, the gangs and I'm sorry about the music. I was young, manipulated and I was a puppet."
Twenty years after the fact, Vanilla Ice is apologizing for Ice Ice Baby. Why? Is it because he feels like he was a fraud? A terrible singer? Nope, because now he's old and a paid puppet for Virgin Mobile's Right Music Wrongs viral campaign.
From their "manifesto": In a world awash with the insincerity of reality pop stars and pre-fabricated, formulaic, celebrity seeking, silicone enhanced lip sync-ers, something has gone desperately and dangerously wrong with music.
Awash with insincerity? That's just a little on the nose.
Nothing says love like having five would-be fathers for your baby. The potential sperm donors are lining up to claim parentage of Anna Nicole Smith’s bundle of money baby and each is stranger than the next. There’s photographer Larry Birkhead, her lawyer Howard K. Stern, her bodyguard Alexander Denk, and the two truly bizarre: Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband Prince Frederic von Anhalt and Anna Nicole’s long-dead husband J. Howard Marshall via an artificial insemination. What a romantic tale – she inspires us even in death!
Speaking of odd couples, Ben Stiller and Tom Cruise are teaming up for a big screen version of The Hardy Boys – The Mystery of Studio Greenlighting, I assume.
But enough of the mushy stuff, time to hit something. Now you too can make like an over-reacting Boston bomb squad and as you try and take out as many Lite Brite versions of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Moonites as possible. It’s like Whack-a-Mole, so of course I couldn’t resist. When I was done my haircut rating was hipster. I’m assuming that’s a good thing. Despite all the hype, rating for ATHF aren’t improving, leading the head of the Cartoon Network to resign last week over the controversy. This proves the lesson learnt by Snakes on a Plane – just because something is a web phenomenon doesn’t mean people will watch it.
Which, inevitably, leads me to Vanilla Ice. The infamous white rapper, who wishes he was a C-list celeb, has been hired by TurboTax to promote their Tax Rap contest. Rob Van Winkle busts out the finance rhymes and lays down the gauntlet for Kevin Ferderline as the two battle for the King of Self parody crown.
