just being honest.

I was going to write another {What I've Learned} post today, but instead, I want to share a little bit of my heart with you guys. My ugly heart. Oh boy, here goes.

I struggle with jealousy.

It's so ugly and such a yucky part of my heart. Far too often, I compare myself to others and notice that I come up lacking. And I want what they have. I want their handmade biz success. I yearn to be the one announcing a pregnancy. I want a beautiful house with hardwood floors. I wish I was a better writer, photographer, artist, etc. etc.

Some days it doesn't affect my day or my mood. but I have noticed that lately I am starting to feel sad about what I don't have and I lose the joy for what I do have. The overflowing blessings in my life that I don't merit at all, but that God has poured on me-- on us-- because He just loves me.

The truth is, there are always going to be people who are better at me in XYZ. There will be people who have what I want, what I don't have. And I need to get over it.

Jealousy is so unattractive. Ew.

I have a gorgeous husband who is my very best friend and loves me with all his heart.

I have a job that lets me pursue my passion and get paid for doing what I love.

I live in Hawaii.

I attend an awesome church and have group of beautiful sisters and brothers that encourage and support me.

I have 12 (yes, 12 now!) nieces and nephews, 6 brothers and sisters, two loving parents and amazing in-laws.

I get to eat three meals a day, I have a roof over my head, and a soft bed to sleep in at night.

But even if I didn't have any of that, if it was all taken away tomorrow-- I have a Father who loves me and calls me His child! Even with this ugly heart, He is enraptured with me. And that will never be taken away. 

So, go away jealousy. You're not wanted here.

I wish it were that easy, but at least it's a start.


{photos from my walk around the neighborhood last night.}


lindsay

Filled to the Brim

sparkly cardigan:: {charlotte russe}

white tee:: {target}

belt:: {forever 21}

shorts:: {forever 21}

sandals:: {old navy}

bracelets:: {gift}

Yesterday was a busy day. The good kind of busy. I had coffee with a friend, beach time with one of my best buddies and her daughter, a skype date with Moriah, and then some precious worship time on the beach under a full moon with some of our very best friends.

And my heart is full. So full.

These weeks when Chris is gone are potentially lonely, depressing weeks. I'm such a social person and I enjoy my alone time but I crave people time. God takes such good care of me. He sends me days like yesterday, filled to the absolute brim with sweet relationships.

And the day was just made even better by my sparkly cardigan. Which reflects sunlight like a disco ball while I drive and totally distracts me. The world better watch out when I've got my sparkly cardi on.


lindsay

I am flawed ... and loved by God.

I've received some not-very-nice comments on my posts lately. Comments made by individuals hiding behind the cover of an Anonymous name. They are made in the hopes of hurting me, I'm supposing.

On Monday, one of the pictures in my post was of me slurping a de lightfully yummy berry smoothie. And my hair.looks.awful. Really, quite grungy.

A lovely anonymous commenter wrote " Do you not wash your hair?"

Ha! I have to laugh at this one. It sure looks like I don't. But I promise, I do. Usually. Sometimes.

I had some comments last week that were not quite so easy to brush off, and I was in tears for most of the day after reading them. As often happens when people attack us, I began to question who I am as a person and as a blogger. This strange barrage of hurtful comments all of the sudden has got me thinking. Thinking about where my identity is, and where I am finding my worth.

Let me tell you, I have my flaws.

One, as was so poignantly pointed out -- sometimes my hair looks awful. 

Our bedroom most always looks like the photo on the left. Like, I am stepping over piles of laundry to get to my bed some days. The photo on the right-- rare occurrence.

(Old photos-- our bedroom looks ways different now, but more on that later.)

Often, I'm so completely disorganized that I send a giveaway painting to the same person, twice. (Yes, that happened this week. I'm not sure where I left my brain.)

My dad's Italian genes give me nice olive skin, but that also means that I'm quite hairy fuzzy. As in, before I leave to see Chris, I have an appointment to get my face waxed.

I often am so busy that despite my best efforts, I don't get around to responding to your comments. I feel bad about that, but I hope you understand that I appreciate each of you, anyway.

All too often, I find myself having to clean mold out of the fridge. One day I'll keep on top of my leftovers. Eh, maybe.

I'm lazy. I'm selfish. At dinner parties, I would often rather sit on the couch with a glass of wine than help clean up the dishes.

I'm a real person, with real flaws, sins, and quirks.

But.

 I am, first and foremost, a child of the risen God. My identity does not come from how my hair looks. It doesn't stem from what my blog readers have to say about me (good or bad!), how my blog design looks or what I do and say throughout the day.

[via]

Romans 8: 38 says, " For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God, that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

So if all of those things can't keep our God from loving us, than I'm pretty sure that moldy leftovers, lost to-do lists and bad hair days can't either. Because God knows things about our hearts that we would never and could never share on our blogs. He knows every selfish thought that goes through our minds and in spite of all that, He loves every greasy hair on our heads.

And that, my friends, is what I am resting in today. And tomorrow, I'll have to pick up my Bible to remind myself of this again, because I'm also... forgetful.


*I don't write this for you guys to feel bad for me getting these comments. Just want to share some encouragement that I've been feeling today. So I hope you are encouraged!*

Weary & Burdened

Hi friends! How was your Monday? Mine was eh, let's say, less than stellar. I'm becoming more and more aware that my focus is not well, focused where it needs to be. Or rather, on Who it needs to be focused on.

It's so easy for me to get sucked into focusing in on how many blog comments I'm getting on my posts, the feedback I get on twitter on my new listings , or how many sales I've had this week.

 I get bogged down thinking about the unanswered emails sitting in my inbox, the items yet to be crossed off my to-do list and the ideas rolling around in my head that have yet to be realized. 

For some reason, I used to think that once I hit X number of followers on my blog or sales in my shop, that I'd be a pro. A pro at balancing life and blogging. A pro at not being afraid of failing. A pro at uh, organization. Yeaaaah, right. 


Thankfully, even though I try all too often, I don't have to shoulder it alone. My friend sent me an encouraging text yesterday that included this verse: 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 

I think with Chris deployed, I have the tendency to think I can just power through and deal with the stress, the to-do lists. As a military wife, I'm told over and over again "Be strong.""You're so strong to do this all by yourself. "

But I'm realizing more that I can't. And I don't have to try. So this week, I'm going to make a greater effort to lay my burdens at His feet and turn to my Bible before I open my inbox, and focus on what my Jesus has to say about me, His child, rather than what the number of my sales or comments says about me. We'll see how that goes.

{Oh, I bought tickets to go visit Chris last night!! I leave two weeks from today for an exotic (secret, for now) location! Let's just say I am not looking forward to 20 hours of travel, but oh-so excited to smooch my sweet husband! Please pray that the ship's schedule stays the same, because it could change at any time, leaving me stranded. If you'd like to help support my trip, go purchase a painting [or two] from my shop!)