R.I.P Britney Spears

So Britney (or perhaps her manager and mother) finally came to her senses and cut off K-Fed, her wannabe rapper hubby. Congrats! You’ll soon be a 24-year-old single mother of two – just what every little girl dreams of. Her formerly glamorous career, now thoroughly slathered in tabloid mud, has been on a steady decline ever since Federline emerged from under his rock and wormed his way into the pop princess’ life.

Of course it's all too late anyway – he’s already sucked all the magic (and possibly money) out of her. She’s now an empty shell, an abandoned trailer up on blocks and K-Fed has run off with all the smokes and Cheetos. Before becoming Mr. Spears he was an unknown backup dancer, now two years later he has an album out which, no matter its artistic merit or lack thereof, is one more album than you and I have.

As for Britney she has had a meteoric career arc, from child star, to chart-topping pop ingénue to Beverly hillbilly, all in a short dozen years. That’s hardly what you would refer to as longevity. Sure, she’ll make a run at the charts again and the media will herald her comeback, but we will have moved on. She just can’t capture our attention in the same fashion anymore.

If her star hadn’t been tarnished enough, it looks like Fed-Ex isn’t going to go down without a fight and is seeking custody of his spawn and spousal support. Look for it to get ugly – what’s he got to lose? And if that wasn’t enough it looks like the last refuge of a dwindling celebrity career – the ubiquitous sex tape. Rumours of the tryst have floated about for years and now there is rampant speculation that Kevin may have leaked it as a bit of mean-spirited revenge. Again, it won’t hurt him any.

So long Britney – I know you won’t go away, but to me you’re already dead.